The lack of it over the past months has grown to an insurmountable mountain.
The top is not in sight.
I know it is there, but it is always just out of my grasp.
Thoughts of sleep consume me.
I constantly long for it.
I crave any little bit of it that I can get.
Sometimes I feel physically sick for lack of it.
My body actually aches for it.
I covet the sleep that others get.
I desire it more than anything.
I cannot function properly or completely without it.
My need for it is all consuming.
Without it my thoughts are fuzzy, my head is dizzy, and my body is weak.
My days and my nights are filled with yearning for it.
I want it so badly that my days are focused on trying to snatch just a moment of it.
In the bleary, still darkness of the night, God asks me in a tenderly longing voice,
“Do you desire ME as much as you desire sleep?”
At 2:00 in the morning every fiber of my being yells, “NO!
No, I just want to sleep!”
The ‘no’ is resounding.
Then a small, weak, tired voice whispers, “…but I want to want You.
I need to want you like that.”
I need to desire God as much as I desire sleep.
No, I need to desire God much more than I desire sleep.
I want thoughts of God to consume me.
I want to constantly long for more of Him.
I want to crave every little morsel of His word that I can soak up.
I want my body to ache for more of Him.
I cannot function properly or completely without Him.
I want to desire Him more than anything.
I need Him to keep going.
Without Him I am weak and my thoughts are not right.
I want to yearn for Him day and night.
I want every fiber of my being to yell, “MORE! I want more of Him! I can’t get enough!”
I am thirsty for Him.
God speaks again.
“I desire YOU like that.
My child. My creation. My love.
I am constantly thinking of you.
I yearn for you to be close to Me.
I long for you to talk to Me.
I crave your thoughts.
I want you to walk with Me.
I desire you.
I love you.”