I have a need to be in charge; or at least that’s my felt need. My real need is to let God have full control. Maybe that’s one of the reasons why this happened…
God blessed my husband Jose and I with three beautiful daughters. We were content with our family, and I was convinced that three was my limit, as far as patience and energy went. Also, we were preparing to move to Mexico as global workers, so my husband and I decided that the era of family growth was over.
At least that was OUR plan.
Two years later we were in Apaxtla, a small town in Mexico, and I was “late.” The pregnancy test came back positive. To say I was shocked is an understatement. We had taken human measures to prevent family growth, but God had overridden our plans. I didn’t want to be pregnant. I didn’t want to deal with protecting yet another little person from scorpion bites and parasites. In addition, I had been struggling with feeling inadequate as a parent and was trying to improve my mothering skills. A fourth child would rob me of what little energy and patience I had left.
Eventually the shock wore off as the morning sickness set in. Although we hadn’t planned this child, we found comfort in knowing that God did. Once we acknowledged this, we became excited about the impending arrival of a new family member. However, I still felt apprehensive about taking on the role as a mother of four, but that’s been part of the lesson. For the most part, I make life choices according to what I think I can handle. Consequently, I usually depend on my own strength, as opposed to asking God for help and leaning on Him. Now I was being passed out of my comfort zone and forced into dependence on Him. This was exactly what I needed.
As the trimesters passed, we knew we needed to decide where the baby would be born. Should I go to the United States? Or do I stay in Mexico where modern science is lagging behind in the region where we live? As I pondered the question, I realized what the real struggle was for me. Does God need the presence of modern medicine? Is the God in my U.S. delivery room the same God in a small village in a Mexican doctor’s office? Is my trust in God or in science? For me, returning to the States would be evidence of the latter. It was time for me to release control and let God take over. As I meditated on this, I began to feel peace about the idea of giving birth in Apaxtla. God was changing my heart by removing my desire to go stateside with the delivery. He was with me where I was, and I discovered I was already “home.”
The most ironic part of my story is that after three normal deliveries with technology available, nearby yet unused, I gave birth to my fourth child by cesarean section due to a prematurely detaching placenta, one more thing I couldn’t control. I wasn’t thrilled with the delivery mode, but was happy with the results. David Joseph Garcia joined our family on September 8, 1999, and his three big sisters are elated with their new brother. He is the son we thought we’d never have. If God had let our plans be the deciding factor, we would never have experienced the joy of David being part of our family.
“As for God, His way is perfect.”