Driving into our subdivision is always a special moment. Upon passing the gate, I enter the subdivision at the top of a very high hill, where I am afforded a wonderful view. I can look out over mountains and clouds, which are beautiful on clear (read: not smoggy) days. The road then weaves and wends back and forth down to the bottom.
About a week ago, as I was making this steep descent at night, I rounded a corner and beheld an amazing sight: The moon was full—but I could not see it. The moon was gloriously bright—but I could not see it. The moon was amazingly beautiful—but I could not see it. I knew these facts were true even though they were not available to my eyes. The full, luminous, beautiful moon was covered with a dark cloud. Nevertheless, the beauty of this moon was bursting forth in every direction. I was captivated instantly. The dark cloud itself was transfigured into an image fit perhaps for our heavenly home. The darkness of the cloud was more dark than dark. The edges of the clouds were outlined as if with shining gold. The moon’s rays glowed and shot out as though nothing in all creation could hold them back. I thought of this awesome moon, feeling I could wait forever to view this moon. However, the beauty of the “Not Yet” was breathtaking in itself.
I thought, This is the beauty of the “Not Yet.” This is the beauty of our faith. This is the beauty of promises that we believe and yet wonder about as we wait with an aching heart, teardrops falling upon the sacred pages, painful prayers with clenched fists—because we live in the “Not Yet.” It is sometimes darker than dark. We hurt. We look at ourselves and feel so discouraged, so hopeless about even making progress at all, let alone having ‘arrived.’
Our God is there. I cannot see Him. Our Lord is present. I cannot feel Him. Our Creator loves us and has a grand, grand purpose that He is weaving. I cannot comprehend it. Nevertheless, there is a light that cannot be held back. It is bursting forth from our clouds. It is outlining them in heavenly gold. It is creating a beauty fit for heaven. Oh, there is so much beauty, beauty which I am not yet even able to see!
Oh Lord, may Your brightness shine out from my darkness.
There are so many “Not Yets” in my life. So much incompleteness; so many doubts, failings, painful in-betweens, forced waitings, silences from You, strippings, strivings-and-not-reachings. Sometimes it is just dark. Discouraging.
May these only be clouds that display Your golden light: hidden, yet impossible to hold back.
May Your “I AM” make our “Not Yet” beautiful—because You are beautiful.